Brandon Meriweather: We Hardly Knew Ye

In a surprise move to some, the Patriots released two-time Pro Bowl safety Brandon Meriweather this week in their final round of cuts. Meriweather's play at safety was always a point of contention among Pats fans, and both sides have a pretty good argument. On the one hand, Meriweather gets results. He hits hard and can read QB's well enough to make picks. His presence in a backfield can cause quarterbacks and receivers to totally change their game plan. The problem is, Brandon Meriweather is a gambler. Belichick's defense, especially in the backfield, doesn't allow for a whole lot of gambles. For every positive Meriweather brought to the defense you can argue a negative right back and both people engaged in the argument would be totally right.

In other words, Brandon "Big Bang Clock" Meriweather is a complete and utter enigma.

Horrible Bosses

I am really the last person in the world who should write a movie review. I absolutely suck at getting to the movie theater. I watch movies when they're on TV but in the past two or three years I have really been a terrible movie-goer. The last three movies I've seen in theaters were "No Strings Attached" (on a first date, not my idea) "Rise Of The Planet Of The Apes" (which had me fist-pumping in the theater like I was DJ Pauly D at the end when the gorilla jumped onto the helicopter. Quality flick, not perfect, but enjoyable.) and "Horrible Bosses", starring Jason Sudekis, Jason Bateman, and Portsmouth Abbey alumnus Charlie Day.

I am a huge fan of Arrested Development and Always Sunny so I was excited for this one, I rarely ever make it to the theater, so when I go and it's a movie I actually want to see I get real pumped up for it. Overall, I was disappointed with it because Jason Bateman basically just played Michael Bluth, Charlie Day played a slightly more grown-up Charlie from Always Sunny (and not nearly as disgusting) and we were supposed to believe that Jason Sudekis is a slick talking pickup artist. I think Sudekis is funny on SNL but he was basically the Bradley Cooper of this movie and Jason Sudekis is Jason Sudekis and not Bradley Cooper. He didn't work for me. I'll watch Bateman and Day in anything and they were both pretty good. They didn't show a whole lot of range in their performances but I'm sure that wasn't the intent. Kevin Spacey and Jennifer Aniston were so over the top ridiculous in their roles (and both pretty hilarious, to be fair) that Colin Farrel's portrayal of a balding cokehead was really the only actual performance that stood out to me.

There is a scene where Kevin Spacey (Jason Bateman's boss) is about to award a promotion to an employee at the company, a promotion that Bateman just so happens to be gunning for, does this sound familiar? He makes a long, drawn out speech then boom, no promotion for Michael. Here come the Security and Exchange Commision, (they have boats?) la-dee-da. Later, Charlie and Bateman accidentally do a pretty decent chunk of cocaine, which was funny, but about the 8 billionth time 'accidentally ingesting drugs' was used as a comedic plot device in cinema history. There really wasn't too much in the way of originality until the end which actually had me thinking that something really surprising was going to happen (spoiler alert: it didn't) but aside from that it was Charlie Day, Michael Bluth, and sorta Bradley Cooper all plotting to take down three versions of the exact same character. Even Jamie Foxx as "Over-The-Top-Black-Guy" was funny but just nothing new.

I kinda hate that I enjoyed Horrible Bosses as much as I did. There were a lot of very funny moments. All I have to do is think about Charlie in the car rocking out to "That's Not My Name" by the Ting-Tings and I start laughing no matter where I am. It just happened right now as I typed that actually. That scene was so funny that I actually went home and watched Youtube clips that someone who pirate-taped the movie put up. Charlie is awesome. Bateman playing Michael Bluth again was slightly less awesome(how's that Arrested Development movie coming along???) , but the gags just weren't that original, and Sudekis getting laid left and right just didn't sit right with me.

In the end, I liked it. I laughed a lot, which is why I paid the 12 bucks in the first place. I didn't want to think, I wanted to laugh. I just didn't like that two actors whose work I enjoy a great deal had to play their signature roles like that. I would have liked to see them act a little bit.

Genuine laughs, but nothing special. Although I do hope Charlie keeps getting movies. If you're an Always Sunny fan it is pretty outstanding how Charlie is getting movie roles while Dennis and Mac are just chillin' at Patty's. Oh yeah, and Mac got super fat for this next season. Awesome.

When does Mac's movie come out?

Check out Horrible Bosses, it's not great but it's funny and if you're not looking for much more

than some laughs it hits the spot.

Also, keep in mind, that I am literally the last person on earth that should write about movies. The last. On earth. Planet of the Apes and No Strings Attached. Seriously. I don't know why I thought this was a good idea. Back to sports next week. Promise.

-Judge