I'll Stop The World

There's a commercial on tv that I really can't stand. It's for Hershey's chocolate, you have probably seen it.

This commercial bothers me because of the absolute butcher job those singers do on Modern English's "I Melt With You".

I know, right? Of all the songs to pick this fight with this one might be the corniest of all.

Modern English was a British New Wave band in the 80s that disappeared as quickly as they had arrived. In digging I found out that they recently reunited and actually toured last summer. That must've been a fun show. That's the kind of show you get really pumped up to check out, too. Like you can't wait to geek out when someone asks you what you're up to this weekend.....

"Where ya goin tonight, Christian?"

"MODERN ENGLISH PLAYIN AT THE CENTRUM, BRAH!!!!"

"Wow."

"I Melt With You" was Modern English's only hit. It was ranked 39th on VH1's best 100 songs of the 80s and it's been covered by dozens of artists.

I don't know why I care that Hershey's decided to use it in their ad either, as that very song has been used in ads by Burger King, Ritz Crackers, , M&M's, Taco Bell, and Vicks.

I've seen some of these ads, not all of them, but the one's that I have seen use the song as performed by Modern English, while this Hershey's one uses guest vocalists.

I don't know, maybe it's the soulless warble of the (I'm assuming) little girl who sings the first part, maybe it's the way "I'll melt with you" is echoed by another equally soulless (again, I'm assuming) older singer before they join together in a duet that just makes you want to kill yourself. They manage to absolutely slaughter a song that frankly, I didn't even really like that much to begin with.

Maybe it's the fact that the ad is on all the time. Maybe it's the unsettling expressions on the faces of the chocolate people in this strange little world that Hershey's has brought to our living rooms with this ad campaign. I get what they're going for, here. There's a woman and a small child jumping on a trampoline and then morphing into a big chocolate pool. Family. Togetherness. Times are tough. Appreciate the nice things in life. Playing with your daughter, eating Hershey's chocolate. I get it.

I guess the problem I have is that if you're going to cover a song for your ad campaign, try a little harder. Do the original at least a little bit of justice. I know the emotion Hershey's was going for here probably wasn't "British 80s New Wave" or anything but to take a song that was already pretty cheesy and turn it into THAT is just offensive.

I liken this to when the Black Eyed Peas started making this hilarious excuse for music that they've been doing for the past, I dunno, decade now.... (Jesus, really? It's been 11 years since Bridging The Gap? Yeesh) The Peas had a couple of good songs, but it's not like they were exactly beacons of hip hop integrity or anything. Sure, I miss the "BEP Empire" days but it wasn't surprising. It would've surprised me if Dead Prez did it, not the Black Eyed Peas.

It's kind of the same thing with 'I Melt With You'. The song didn't have a whole lot of integrity to begin with. For example, we all know the meandering, seemingly endless chorus, but these are the lyrics that open the song:

Moving forward using all my breath
Making love to you was never second best
I saw the world thrashing all around your face
Never really knowing it was always mesh and lace

This isn't exactly Bowie, here. It's not a bad song, or anything, it's just campy. It's everything the 80s were, and I know there are about 5 million songs that you can say that about but, well, "I Melt With You" is one of them.

That being said, "I Melt With You" deserved better than to get butchered by Hershey's like that. It's a fine song from an oft misunderstood era in music. An era that brought us everyone from the Talking Heads and U2 to the Divinyls and A-ha. An era littered with one-hit wonders and words like "synth" and "new wave". It wasn't perfect, but it was it's own thing. It wasn't a Hershey's commercial. It wasn't a mother-daughter duet.

I'm sure Modern English is crying all the way to the bank over this grotesque usage of their only hit. I'm sure that as they're drying their tears with their royalty checks they feel a shame only known to those who have seen their art become something cheap and kitschy. In other words, I'm sure Modern English doesn't give a fuck. And frankly, I shouldn't either, but for some dumb reason I kinda do. There is so much wrong in the world right now that I should write about if I'm gonna be writing about things that bother me but for some reason this just kinda sprung to mind today while I was watching college basketball.

By the way, St. John's, my pick in every bracket I entered this year to win the entire tournament, (thanks in part to my cousin's former clairvoyance as well as how easily they were able to get to the refs for that Rutgers game in the Big East tournament) lost already.

In the first round.

First goddamn round.

Anyways, that's all for today. Here's a tune to end on. Take a second to listen and appreciate it. It's not great, but I've seen the difference, and it's getting better, all the time.

-Judge